finding my roots...

The epitome of relaxation

The famous Chocolate Hills
Each of these 'hills' are actually made of coral and were created when the island of Bohol used to be underwater millions of years ago. They turn a very deep brown during the summer.

Tarsier - the tiniest primate in the world

Tarsier - up close and personal

Every time I come back from the Philippines, I have a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, I'm so excited to get time to spend with my family there and to be able to experience the beauty of the Philippines through a locale's eyes. I get the rare advantage to get a local prospective on the best hot spots to eat and relax. I have so much family still in the Philippines and I feel strangely connected to them even though I don't see them too often. It is that natural sense of comfortableness that is innate when being with your family - feelings that you really don't have to try so hard and you can just let your hair down and be yourself...cause its family:) I love how we laugh at each others jokes like we grew up together, how we seek advice from each other, and how we learn from each other's experiences. Whether it's been 5 months or 5 years since we last saw each other, we are able to pick up right where we left off like it was merely yesterday.

Rocking these farmer hats like no other

Overlooking Cebu City skyline

Super cheesy jumping pose with the famous Chocolate hills in the background

Cebu Sky Walk Experience - walking on the outside of a building 30 stories up

Gigi and I soaking in some rays by the ocean side

Coming to the Philippines at an older age, I can truly understand the beauty of my motherland. When I visited as a child, I didn't really understand what was going on. It was too hot and humid and I never quite understood why I had to take my showers with a bucket of water and a pail. But now as a 'grown up', I can appreciate all the splendor of my parents' country. To see its true beauty, you must get out of Manila. Manila is too crowded and polluted to really see anything special. The city is similar to any big city in southeast Asia. Nature at its greatest can be see in the white sand beaches, the crystal clear water, the coral reefs, the beautiful mountains, its endless rice fields...all of this natural beauty barely encompasses what the Philippines can offer. What is most amazing is how untouched all this natural beauty is. You can compare the beaches to Hawaii, Bali and Thailand. Philippines would win hands down for the best beach award. Their beaches and natural landmarks remain so virginal and seems not to be overrun with tourists like some other resort destinations. You can enjoy a beauty of the white sands and clean waters without the hassles of dealing with annoying tourists. For some reason, people tend to flock to Thailand as the cheap beach resort, but the Philippines is actually cheaper and less commercialized. I've traveled to many places, but I feel that Philippines continues to impress me in all it has to offer.

View from our hotel room in Bohol

Amazing sunset

Rice fields of Bohol

Going back to my cultural 'roots', I continue to grapple with the idea of what it means to be Filipina. I want to go back and just be one with my culture. This is where my parents grew up. These are the streets they walked, this is home they grew up in. Seeing it all I hoped that I would just naturally understand who I am and my heritage. More often than not, I probably feel more confused. I can't identify with the Filipino culture as much as I think I should. Their way of life is so different from everything that I've known. Going to the Philippines makes it so obvious that I'm not Filipina, but a Filipina American, which is such a unique identity in and of itself. Straddling these two cultures and trying to make sense of being Filipina and being American, but at the same time not truly belonging to either country.

These huts are the main type of housing in the rural villages of PI

Village man bathing in the river

As I visit the Philippines, I do get a better sense of how to define the Filipino people. As we were sitting in horrible Manila traffic, I turned to my cousin and asked how he could possibly stand this traffic everyday. He said to me 'Filipinos have an ability to endure'. With that one sentence, the people of Philippines can be summed up. From the urban centers to the remote villages, Filipino people can endure the abject poverty that engrosses their everyday life. Poverty is not something that you can escape from in the Philippines. The poverty is shocking and real and it constantly surrounds you. Naked children aimlessly wonder the back alleys of their slums, where clean water and electricity are luxuries. Despite it all, people continue to persevere and they seek happiness in their everyday lives.

I truly believe that Filipinos are one of the most fun loving cultures in the world. We were taking a river cruise in Bohol. The boat provided a bit of entertainment with a singer and a guitar player. I feel only in the Philippines would this turn into an all out sing-a-long/ dance party. The guests were up on the stage singing with the band and dancing cha cha on the deck. People were belting out the words to every song like they had no care in the world. Filipino people enjoy the simple pleasures in life and maximize their happiness in ways that they know, such as through song and dance. They don't hold back their inhibitions, like so many of us do. I truly admire their ability to find joy in the aspects of our lives that we often take for granted. We often have our self consciousness restrain us from truly capturing a moment, but I respect how the Filipino people never let such things hold them back. If that means a normal lunch cruise transforms into a party boat, so be it...it is the Filipino way.

The cross that Magellan brought over when he first came to PI in the 15th century;
amazing how this one cross brought Christianity to the PI
and now Filipino people are one of the most devout Catholics in the world

16th century church in Bohol built by the Spanish

Lobby of our hotel in Bohol

what dreams are made of...

Denny and I had this interesting conversation the other day about our dreams - defining what is a dream, what our personal dreams are, and discussing if their possible. I feel that everyone has a dream. I think some people are just more grounded than others. Their dreams are more practical and more attainable. Dreams of having a family, owning your own car and house, all of which are goals that can are possible within ones lifetime with some effort. Denny says that your own dreams must require some kind of strife or determination to accomplish. For example, dreams of being an astronaut require years of study in aeronautical engineering, connections into NASA, and the guts to actually risk your life to go into space. Needless to say, its not quite the same to dream of being an astronaut and dreaming to be a mom.

I think coming to Macau has definitely opened up my horizons. This experience has given me new found strength to accomplish my goals in life. Before coming here, I could barely stand the idea of being away from my family and friends for so long. At first I thought that the sacrifices I had to make were greater than the actual rewards of a Fulbright grant. I believed I would miss to much, my relationships wouldn't be the same, and I would change. In the end, I dug deep and I found the courage to move thousands of miles away from everyone that I know and love to start a new life in Macau. Every single day I'm abroad, I'm amazed how well I've adjusted, how well I've coped with my homesickness, and how I've created a network of friends in Macau in just a few months. I feel incredibly blessed, but at the same time I feel that happiness is something that you work for. It just doesn't just fall out of the sky and grace you with its presence. You strive for it every day...similar to your dreams...

Asking yourself, what your dreams are can be a terribly difficult question for some or a one word answer for answers. Working at Flex, I heard the standard Asian 'dreams'...I want to be a doctor, a pharmacist, a lawyer...blah blah blah...All the typical Asian brainwashing from our parents have fostered a generation of Asian Americans who have created dreams that aren't their own. A generation of kids who don't know the hard work and sweat that is associated with those careers. A generation of kids who are too scared to stand up against their parents to be their own person with dreams of their own. A generation of kids who are too apathetic and indifferent about their spoiled lives to even create their goals - something to define who they are.

I kinda wish that my dream would be so simple. I wish it were the one word answer that would foster the happiness and pride of all Asian parents. Instead my dreams are much too complex. I have several dreams. I will discuss in no particular order. I have one dream of beginning a non-profit organization that provides academic services to help underprivileged Filipino American youth gain access to higher education. When you think about Filipino Americans, my parents generation are hard working immigrants who have professional careers in the health industry, but for some reason my generation of Filipino Americans have veered off track. Some have dropped out of college, some have had babies, and some even have never finished high school. I feel that parents promote the importance of education but somehow their kids are drawn into social circles that don't value school. I would like to create an organization that would give students free services to help them to stay focused during high school and eventually get into college. The program would provide them with college preparatory services, such as academic tutoring and test prep, internships to explore various industries, and mentoring services.

Another dream I have is to run for the board of education. I've always felt that to really change the system you must work in policy. You actually have the power to implement changes to better the community and our schools. Running for political office is something more than just idealistic dreams. There has to be some sort of political savvy inherent in who we are...we'll see if I have what it takes. My final dream is to build a school in the Philippines. There are so many children in the Philippines that need to use education as a means to get out of poverty. Every child must get that opportunity to leave the slums. Building a school would give those students a chance...a chance to have a life that isn't constantly about barely surviving but about living life to the fullest.

Who knows what will come of these dreams...will they just be fleeting notions of my young mind or actual projects that I can see come to life with my hard work and sweat.